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Slice of Wisdom

“Love, I discovered, is being still enough to feel all that is going on inside of you and then learning how to acknowledge and accept what you feel.”

Iyanla Vanzant, In The Meantime

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Slice of Wisdom

If you don’t let it out you’ll carry the pain for a lifetime.

Click to view the video and notice the difference between a 27-year old male releasing the pain vs. his mother who has carried the rage her whole life.

Would you choose to start the healing today? Or convince yourself that later is a better time or that the pain will eventually subside?

Top 5 Worst Male Dating Tips from Girlfriends

Now some of you may have read that I’ve dated both men and women. This post will focus specifically on dating males and the bullshit my straight girlfriends have spewed out in the form of advice. Here goes: The top 5 worst things ever advised on the opposite sex (to me anyways).

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1.     “Well, he’s really trying!”

I’m sorry? Am I supposed to keep giving a guy chances just because he’s trying? I mean if I specifically tell a man that I’m not interested and he responds with his burning profession of love, why am I supposed to be automatically wooed and accept him as my newfound mate? Come on ladies, let’s give ourselves more credit. A nice guy with a great speech is not all a girl needs. We need chemistry, sense of security, attraction — we’re not old maids looking for handouts.

2.     “You can’t tell if it’ll work in a conversation, you’ve got to give it a good while.”

No. I’m quite capable of knowing within the first 5-10 minute if it’s going to go anywhere. It’s called my gut, women’s intuition, whatever you want to call it. I know the truth of myself and I would much rather move onto the next instead entertaining a guy who eh, maybe has a nice job and car but doesn’t necessarily enjoy trying new foods, travel, discovering new cultures, believe in marriage or children. Yeah. Knowing myself, I don’t need to give that one another go-around of my time.

3.     “He’s cute, why don’t you like him?”

Um…because that’s not all I’m looking for? A pretty face, great smile and sparkly eyes aren’t all I need. Have women forgotten their worth? I mean what’s with pressuring two good looking people together as if that’s the only measure we have for determining the successful outcome of a couple? Yeah, no thanks. I’ll stick with my number 2: conversation and connection is a must.

4.     “OK. So he doesn’t have it all together. You should still give him a shot.”

I have to strongly disagree with this one. Above all of them. I worked hard to get through school, graduate, find internships, get hired onto a great company, re-build my life, try and come to terms with my past — I don’t have time to deal with someone who seemingly still has a long way to go in terms of getting their life together. Life is easier when you try to find someone who can level with you. It’s a bad start if you both aren’t on the same page.

5.     “Maybe he was just being funny.”

I don’t excuse rudeness or crudeness as funny. Especially if I’m just getting to know you. I mean, it’s assumed that when you first meet someone you should be putting on your A-game. If right out the gate, you’re profane or rude — I’m already gripping the edge my seat wondering how you’d be if we actually dated. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. If on the second date, you’re pointing out that a close friend of mine resembles a cartoon character…yeah, you’re a classless d-bag and I won’t be answering your calls. Work on your conversation skills.

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Slice of Wisdom

As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.

-Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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You Issue the Invitation

“You are the priority in your life and how you love you, how you see you, how you treat you is going to set the stage and issue the invitation that will draw other people in to love you.”

-Iyanla Vanzant

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Slice of Wisdom

I have learned to look at my life as an observer. I stand back, look at what happened, and focus my attention on the place where the wound was inflicted. I do not look at who inflicted the wound or how it was inflicted. That it was inflicted is the essence of healing. Find what your wound is, where the wound is being played out in your life, and heal it. Only by doing the work on ourselves that is required to heal mental, emotional, and psychological wounds can we ever hope to be whole in our spirits. I chose to do the healing work because I didn’t want to be mad anymore. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted to heal so that I would have something to celebrate — myself.

-Iyanla Vazant, Yesterday, I Cried