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Top 5 Worst Male Dating Tips from Girlfriends

Now some of you may have read that I’ve dated both men and women. This post will focus specifically on dating males and the bullshit my straight girlfriends have spewed out in the form of advice. Here goes: The top 5 worst things ever advised on the opposite sex (to me anyways).

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1.     “Well, he’s really trying!”

I’m sorry? Am I supposed to keep giving a guy chances just because he’s trying? I mean if I specifically tell a man that I’m not interested and he responds with his burning profession of love, why am I supposed to be automatically wooed and accept him as my newfound mate? Come on ladies, let’s give ourselves more credit. A nice guy with a great speech is not all a girl needs. We need chemistry, sense of security, attraction — we’re not old maids looking for handouts.

2.     “You can’t tell if it’ll work in a conversation, you’ve got to give it a good while.”

No. I’m quite capable of knowing within the first 5-10 minute if it’s going to go anywhere. It’s called my gut, women’s intuition, whatever you want to call it. I know the truth of myself and I would much rather move onto the next instead entertaining a guy who eh, maybe has a nice job and car but doesn’t necessarily enjoy trying new foods, travel, discovering new cultures, believe in marriage or children. Yeah. Knowing myself, I don’t need to give that one another go-around of my time.

3.     “He’s cute, why don’t you like him?”

Um…because that’s not all I’m looking for? A pretty face, great smile and sparkly eyes aren’t all I need. Have women forgotten their worth? I mean what’s with pressuring two good looking people together as if that’s the only measure we have for determining the successful outcome of a couple? Yeah, no thanks. I’ll stick with my number 2: conversation and connection is a must.

4.     “OK. So he doesn’t have it all together. You should still give him a shot.”

I have to strongly disagree with this one. Above all of them. I worked hard to get through school, graduate, find internships, get hired onto a great company, re-build my life, try and come to terms with my past — I don’t have time to deal with someone who seemingly still has a long way to go in terms of getting their life together. Life is easier when you try to find someone who can level with you. It’s a bad start if you both aren’t on the same page.

5.     “Maybe he was just being funny.”

I don’t excuse rudeness or crudeness as funny. Especially if I’m just getting to know you. I mean, it’s assumed that when you first meet someone you should be putting on your A-game. If right out the gate, you’re profane or rude — I’m already gripping the edge my seat wondering how you’d be if we actually dated. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. If on the second date, you’re pointing out that a close friend of mine resembles a cartoon character…yeah, you’re a classless d-bag and I won’t be answering your calls. Work on your conversation skills.

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Not a Good Friend? You’d Make a Terrible Lover.

Since I’ve been single for the past four months (longest time I’ve been single in the last seven years) I’ve had more time to devote to being a good friend — no make that a great friend. And by focusing more time on friends I can honestly say that my future romantic relationships will be even better.

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Me and Elizabeth! One of the most amazing people ever!

As some of you many know from reading my blog, a few months ago I left my hometown of Jacksonville, Fla. and headed down to south Florida. I didn’t leave on the best of terms so it’s been an adjustment to say the least. Leaving out of pure dire necessity is never how I envisioned my departure. I thought it would always be a one-in-a-lifetime job opportunity that would sweep me away from Florida’s First Coast. Or perhaps a significant other and I finally deciding to embark onto new territory. Yeah, either one of those could not be farther from the truth of what happened. If you’ve read a few of my entries you can easily find the center of my recent radical life transition.

With all that being said, living hundreds of miles away from friends and really only having the luxury of phone conversation has allowed me to work on my listening. Something that I still struggle with constantly. I’m that friend who wants to jump ahead and guess the next word you’re trying to say or try and relate to every story you have. So guilty of this. I really need to learn to be present in the moment and regard everyone’s words as important as my own and really let them speak from the heart. This is way easier said than done. I mean the sheer agony of a long pause makes me want to leap out of my seat and yell, “Did you mean…?!” Or the, “Oh my God! Your mom left your sweater out to dry and it smells bad! Well my mother washed my khaki skirts with a red shirt and I had to wear pink skirts for months!” I’m the over-enthusiastic conversationalist who sometimes can’t wait to get her two cents in.

Now, I’ve made some friends since I’ve recently moved and I’ve been trying to improve the in-person interaction as well. I am realizing that in my past relationships I used to be selfish and well, I think we can all say in unison: that is not okay! For example, I never realized exactly how important it is to do something for someone you love just because it makes them feel better — and without questioning it. Sometimes it feels like maybe I’m the last one to learn this lesson but it’s a new one for me. I was so caught up in how I wasn’t meeting my own needs that I couldn’t wrap my brain around anyone else’s needs. Ugh, sometimes I feel it’s a wonder they’ve all stuck around. I like to think it’s my endless supply of hugs and laughter that keeps them coming back, ha-ha.

Since I’ve been thinking about friendships lately and how to improve upon being the best friend ever I’ve realized that this will inadvertently improve my future romantic relationships. In essence you’re supposed to marry you’re best friend and if you can’t treat your own friends with love, dignity, respect, empathy and honesty then how the heck are you going to know how to treat your significant other? It makes sense doesn’t it? I mean having this new profound outlook really puts future relationships into perspective and until I feel confident in my abilities as a friend I dare not venture into ‘love land’. Also, I have about 10 zillion things I’d love to accomplish before meeting that SOS. Having long-term friends teaches you the value of companionship, acceptance, compromise, patience and dealing with everyday life.

After going through something that really shakes you to your core you definitely start to realize the importance of a lot of things, especially friendships. I am blessed to have some of the most amazing people in my life who are genuinely concerned with my well-being and happiness. I suspect that they may feel the same from me but just to make sure they never feel neglected in the ‘Yessy loves them’ department I’ll try extra hard to really be there for them when they need me and to do so with pleasure and gratitude. The pleasure of having their company and the gratitude of having them in my life.

I realize this has been kind of a mushy entry — I was feeling kind of mushy. Comment any feedback. I respond to everyone and I’d love to hear from you!