Now some of you may have read that I’ve dated both men and women. This post will focus specifically on dating males and the bullshit my straight girlfriends have spewed out in the form of advice. Here goes: The top 5 worst things ever advised on the opposite sex (to me anyways).
1. “Well, he’s really trying!”
I’m sorry? Am I supposed to keep giving a guy chances just because he’s trying? I mean if I specifically tell a man that I’m not interested and he responds with his burning profession of love, why am I supposed to be automatically wooed and accept him as my newfound mate? Come on ladies, let’s give ourselves more credit. A nice guy with a great speech is not all a girl needs. We need chemistry, sense of security, attraction — we’re not old maids looking for handouts.
2. “You can’t tell if it’ll work in a conversation, you’ve got to give it a good while.”
No. I’m quite capable of knowing within the first 5-10 minute if it’s going to go anywhere. It’s called my gut, women’s intuition, whatever you want to call it. I know the truth of myself and I would much rather move onto the next instead entertaining a guy who eh, maybe has a nice job and car but doesn’t necessarily enjoy trying new foods, travel, discovering new cultures, believe in marriage or children. Yeah. Knowing myself, I don’t need to give that one another go-around of my time.
3. “He’s cute, why don’t you like him?”
Um…because that’s not all I’m looking for? A pretty face, great smile and sparkly eyes aren’t all I need. Have women forgotten their worth? I mean what’s with pressuring two good looking people together as if that’s the only measure we have for determining the successful outcome of a couple? Yeah, no thanks. I’ll stick with my number 2: conversation and connection is a must.
4. “OK. So he doesn’t have it all together. You should still give him a shot.”
I have to strongly disagree with this one. Above all of them. I worked hard to get through school, graduate, find internships, get hired onto a great company, re-build my life, try and come to terms with my past — I don’t have time to deal with someone who seemingly still has a long way to go in terms of getting their life together. Life is easier when you try to find someone who can level with you. It’s a bad start if you both aren’t on the same page.
5. “Maybe he was just being funny.”
I don’t excuse rudeness or crudeness as funny. Especially if I’m just getting to know you. I mean, it’s assumed that when you first meet someone you should be putting on your A-game. If right out the gate, you’re profane or rude — I’m already gripping the edge my seat wondering how you’d be if we actually dated. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. If on the second date, you’re pointing out that a close friend of mine resembles a cartoon character…yeah, you’re a classless d-bag and I won’t be answering your calls. Work on your conversation skills.