Ever have those moments when you’re thinking out loud to a friend or family member and they start shaking their head? Like, hello?! I was not finished explaining my thought process. You get kind of sensitive. You think, “how can what I’m saying be wrong already?”
I used to be so afraid to express what I was feeling to anyone. I didn’t want to be told that what I had spent grueling hours thinking and overanalyzing was wrong! I mean I had invested time and energy into these full reports that I was finally verbalizing. But the lightbulb when off the other day as I was talking to a friend.
I was telling her that in the future I could see myself marrying a man and not a woman. She told me not be so quick to choose (seeing as how I’ve dated both). But I’ve already overanalyzed it and no matter how hard I try the thought of marrying a woman does not feel comfortable nor is something that I have ever really seen as a future for myself. I may have said it in the past but I’ve evolved. And said it from the old me, the one who thought love was something completely different — I thought it was just infatuation and physical and then the emotional would follow. I’ve learned, in the past several months, that it should be flip-flopped. The one who so desperately wanted to connect with my female because my own relationship with my mother was so severed. Yeah, that was a tough one to learn. <Add in childhood memories trauma and yeah, it’s super complicated.>
And then I started thinking that regardless of her opinion, I know my thoughts better than anyone else and don’t need anyones blessing to be me and act upon what I think feels right. No one will ever understand my inner workings and I will never understand anyone else’s.
This particular friend had gone through a very difficult health issue in the last few years. A very life-or-death scenario which I know was very eye-opening and life-changing for her. Now, however many stories she shares with me or feelings that she expresses — I will never know what that experience felt like and so it’s only my job to love and be there for her. It isn’t my job to judge her or tell her she’s on the wrong path. As author Caroline Myss has stated, “you’re never on the wrong path, you’re just not managing it well.”
With that being said, I wanted to share two things I reflected on today. Let me know if there’s anything interesting that you thought of today. Would love to hear!!! Doesn’t matter what it is.
- Your truth is just that — YOUR truth. Don’t be discouraged from your growth process just because someone doesn’t get it. It’s for you to get, not anyone else. As long as you’re not harming yourself or anyone else — you’re golden!
- Everyone can do anything. However, they can only do it to the best of their ability.
WHO WERE YOU TODAY? 
Really enjoyed reading this.
Thank you! What did you like the most? I’m always looking for feedback — good or bad.
Beautiful post and spot-on revelations.
I spent a life burying my feelings, particularly from others but eventually from myself. I pre-emptively decided they were wrong or unworthy, that they would make me unloveable, that they would drive people away. And that my only hope of maintaining human contact was to make the feelings of others my priority. At least in part, that behaviour cost me a marriage.
No more. My feelings are perfectly valid and they are mine, regardless of whether you or anyone else can understand them. And by acknowledging my feelings, my truths, I have become a better friend to others, including my soon-to-be ex-wife.
Because we are human, because we see life through a lens of our previous existence and experience, truth is relative to each of us. And only through a mutual agreement of society, do we (mostly) hold some truths in common (e.g., the Earth revolves around the sun in approx 365 days).
As for our universal ability to do anything to the best of our ability, I agree with this also, but would also add to the best of our desires…and both ability and desire are moveable. The trick here, I think, is in being clear on what you want to do.
I write stories (e.g., screenplays, short stories, poems, sketches) because I need to write. I don’t write stories because I want to make movies or be published…that would simply be a bonus. I’m not saying that a desire to make movies or be published is wrong…but it’s not what drives my need to write. And I am happy.
I look forward to reading more of your posts…Randy
Randy,
Thank you so much for your kind words — I really appreciate it so much. My hope was that people could read and relate and feel comfort in knowing that they’re not alone.
Sometimes we can get so into our own heads that we forget that everyone is constantly evolving and working through things.
I’m glad that we’re following each other’s blogs and hope we can both benefit from each other’s words.
Thank you again. It means a really great deal to have you comment. Have a great day!
What’s funny is I was thinking about this the other day. No one really knows me, not even those close to me. As much as I love them, they really don’t get my every struggle and thought process and I hold myself back from people because sometimes I just feel like they are going to dismiss what my thought is. Like if I talk about how much I hate my job, I always get the “well get another one then”, like it is an easy thing that you can do when you go to the store and get milk.
It’s so complicated isn’t it? But what I’ve had to remind myself of over and over again. I know what I know is the truth at the moment in time and any revision of that truth will come from my own experience.
I can’t expect anyone to know my inner struggle as much as they may say the understand and I can’t live off of what people may think of me.
It’s all about really really really knowing where you came from and then you can feel confident in the decisions that you make. Because you feel that no one can ever question you or who you are — you just know and it doesn’t matter if they do.
Thank you so much for your comments — they mean the world to me. I hope people can relate and feel inspired to make their life better by really getting to know who they are first.